“Come away with me; be my queen over all of my wives.”
“Queen?” Sita could not help but show at least a fraction of her interest seeping into her voice.
Ravana heard that little fraction. “Yes, my love. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known. You deserve nothing less than to be the queen over all my queens, wife to the Great Lord Ravana. Come away with me.”
“But I cannot leave Rama; what would he do without me?”
“Did Rama consider you when he chose to go away to the forest, even after his brother begged him to return? Did he consider taking his brother’s offer for the sake of his beautiful wife?”
And with these words, Sita was convinced. Flying on a chariot, Sita and Ravana rushed off to Lanka, Ravana’s island. Rama and Lakshmana soon returned to their home, having realized the golden deer was a trap. When they found Sita gone, Rama promptly killed his brother, whom Rama believed had failed to protect his wife. Rama remained secluded in the forest, continuing his exile while mourning Sita—whom he presumed to be dead. However, months passed and eventually word got round that Sita was residing happily in Ravana’s palace, presiding over all the other fair queens. At this news, Rama decided his life was no longer worth living. He could not imagine living the remainder of his life in shame, unfit to be king due to his own wife leaving him so cruelly. Rama performed his funeral rights and killed himself, leaving a note of his wish for his brother, Bharata, to continue to rule in his place.
“Did Rama consider you when he chose to go away to the forest, even after his brother begged him to return? Did he consider taking his brother’s offer for the sake of his beautiful wife?”
And with these words, Sita was convinced. Flying on a chariot, Sita and Ravana rushed off to Lanka, Ravana’s island. Rama and Lakshmana soon returned to their home, having realized the golden deer was a trap. When they found Sita gone, Rama promptly killed his brother, whom Rama believed had failed to protect his wife. Rama remained secluded in the forest, continuing his exile while mourning Sita—whom he presumed to be dead. However, months passed and eventually word got round that Sita was residing happily in Ravana’s palace, presiding over all the other fair queens. At this news, Rama decided his life was no longer worth living. He could not imagine living the remainder of his life in shame, unfit to be king due to his own wife leaving him so cruelly. Rama performed his funeral rights and killed himself, leaving a note of his wish for his brother, Bharata, to continue to rule in his place.
Sita, who had been at Ravana’s palace for nearly a year now, was lounging among the many wives and concubines of Ravana one day. The sun was shining beautifully, the servants brought her fresh fruit, wine, and any luxury she could possibly desire. She wore only the finest silks, or nothing at all—that silly Rama had always forced her to cover herself and “look decent.” Ravana appreciated Sita’s beauty and did not mind her sharing it with the world. Sita could wear anything she liked. On this day, however, Sita caught wind of some discomforting news. Apparently her previous husband, Rama, had eventually realized he had been abandoned, not widowed, and committed suicide. Though dismayed to hear such news, she was also a bit relieved. She had always worried Rama’s silly pride would one day lead to him storming the palace and forcefully taking back his former wife. He could be such a stubborn man. Now it seemed, Sita could truly live in peace, no more forest-dwelling for her…
Author’s Note: Obviously I changed this story quite a bit. I completely altered the portrayal of Sita’s character and chose to let her go with Ravana willingly. In the original, Sita went along with Ravana forcibly. That was an important point in the story, because the audience only viewed Sita as innocent and loyal due to her unwillingness. It also provides the unbreakable motivation of Rama, who feels obligated to protect his wife, in the original. In my version, Sita is very different. Her perspective on the events and other characters is very harsh and cold. She resents Rama for putting her in the position to either live away from her husband or be confined to the forest—neither of which is an ideal position. She blamed Rama for that and because she held on to that resentment, she felt no remorse when her ex-husband killed himself due to her actions. I wanted to do this in order to illustrate how different the story would have been had Sita changed. Her change in character managed to make Rama look weak—clingy even—because such a high level of love and affection is no longer being returned, changing the perception of his love for Sita from endearing to desperate. I chose the image below because it is a picture of a harem, and one woman in particular happens to be partially nude. This is similar to the end of my story, when Sita is with the other wives and Sita is more exposed than the others. Although it depicts a harem in Arab lands, it still fit my topic quite well. I also really liked the attitude and mood conveyed in this image. It feels relaxed and slightly sensual, which is how I imagined Sita’s final scene to be as well.
(Image from Wikimedia)
Bibliography:
Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way.
Ooh, I see you changed Sita's and Rama's personalities and actions up. Instead of struggling against Ravana, Sita is convinced to go with him. Instead of reasoning, Rama kills Lakshmana and himself. I can appreciate this, because you know when a story is told (even your everyday story about an event someone remembers), it loses much of the actuality of the occurrence as it is passed from person to person or translated from experience to writing, language to language etc. There's always that possibility that the story was told with a sugarcoating to make Sita and/or Rama look better--that's not out of the question. So even though this is your fictionalized version showing what could have been if their personalities were different, it presents a good point about all stories in general. Who is to say which ones are valid and which ones made up?
ReplyDeleteOne little thing I noticed: "Flying on a chariot, Sita and Ravana flew away"--the redundancy of the word "fly" could easily be removed. You could say, "After nestling into Pushpaka chariot, Sita and Ravana flew away" or something else to remove either "flying" or "flew".
This was creative and different from any of the other stories I've read yet! Great idea!
Wow, what a dramatic change to the original story! Your author's note says that you wanted to change Sita's personality and as a result made Rama seem more clingy. I'm not really sure I get that idea here. To me, Rama's reaction seems slightly fitting (for the setting and culture, at least). With the exception of killing Lakshmana, it Rama seems to stay true to his character. The description of Sita's reaction to Rama's suicide does not come off as cruel or cold to me. I read it as Sita being extremely unhappy with a husband who never considered her or fer feelings during the past fourteen years and so she left to be with someone who wanted to love her. But that's just my take on it! I've left some possible grammar and word choice edits below. Also, from a aesthetic standpoint, the white text background does not look very good. You may consider changing the entire text box to one color.
ReplyDeleteFor your author's note, try to summarize the original story in it's entirety, rather than just noting what you changed.
Edits to Consider:
" Sita could not help but show at least a fraction of her interest seeping into her voice." The verbs here, "show" and "seeping" don't really go together. I would suggest changing one or the other. Possibly "Sita could not help but allow a fraction of interest seep into her voice." or "Sita could not help but show at least a fraction of interest."
"...months passed and eventually word got round..." If you want to use the slang, there should be an apostrophe for "'round", otherwise, I would change it to "around".
Oh wow! This is a completely different take on the story. I actually am using Sita's abduction as the basis for my Storybook, so I'm fascinated by your interpretation of this section of the tale. I feel like your story had everything work out for Sita in the end whereas the original story has everything fall apart for Sita as soon as she is exiled. Great story!!
ReplyDeleteHey Val! I see you completely change the story and characters in here. I feel like the story isn't really the Ramayana.. I mean I know we are suppose to twist it up a bit but I felt like the content of the story was lost.. It's great you want to change the personalities of the characters but it's so sad...However, your writing was great and very descriptive but the white highlighted text was so hard to read. Maybe breaking it into paragraphs might help? I'm glad though you took a different turn on this, you are very creative but maybe next time sticking with the original content may be better.
ReplyDeleteVal, I really enjoyed reading your rendition of the story. Although you changed quite a bit i think it is very interesting to read all the different twists that people are able to come up with for these storytelling segments. Also, Ravana seems to be given such a negative wrap by all versions of stories that I think it would be very interesting to see someone write all of their stories from a side that would criticize Rama and build up Ravana the entire time. Would be interesting to see how far the imagination could take such an idea.
ReplyDeleteVal, you did a great job in changing the plot! I found this version very interesting, and suspenseful, especially how Rama acted in resonse to Sita leaving. I think that many independent women may have chosen this path honestly, especially if they knew that even if they remained faithful Rama would still make them "prove" their innocnce. Great job this week!
ReplyDeleteHello Val,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time visiting your Portfolio so I just want to look around your page before I read your story. I like your template that you chose for your website because it matches mine! Looks like we have great taste. I see that you have a weather widget on it too, neat. In your portfolio guide if I may suggest, you should consider writing a brief introduction for each story that you link on your guide. It is just so the reader can know a brief history of what they are about to read.
I decided to read and review your second story to your Portfolio. I think that this one in particular is a great one to show off. I think the way you decided to change Sita’s interaction with Ravana at first complete changes the whole aspect of the story. The ending of the original was strange when I read it because it seemed like Rama was going to leave her, but he was just testing her. It all made sense in the end. Your story has a unique, and quite possible end to the Ramayana.
Hey Val,
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting perspective of Sita. She had two great men, one a hero and one not so great, asking her to be their queen, yet she remained faithful to Rama. I think this is an interesting perspective on the question, “What if Sita willingly went with Ravana?” I very much enjoyed your story. I very much enjoyed your morbid twist. When I first read your story, I thought it was going to be a true love conquers all kind of thing. Like Sita would realize that she was only meant to be with Rama and the power of love reunites them. But I like this so much better! I also like how different Ravana and Rama treated Sita. I thought you did an excellent job of portraying the difference between the two men, especially through Sita’s perspective. I was just a little bit sad that Rama died, but I am glad everything worked out well for Sita in the end. Great job!
Hey Val, what an interesting take on this story. It was so different from the first one, which makes it unique and creative. I definitely was expecting a love/romance story between Sita and Rama, so this broke my expectation. I think you did a great job at setting the scene and developing the characters. The story kept my interest until the end and the author's note helped me understand your motivation and thinking behind this adaptation.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion is to read through and proofread. I saw some words that could be deleted or replaced, and the word choice in some places could be changed around to help the flow of the sentence and the overall understanding of the story. But overall, great job with this story. I look forward to reading more from you.
Hi Val! This was a very interesting retelling of the story. I really like how you focused on Sita's needs and desires, rather than on Rama. I absolutely love the premise of this story - the 'what if' part - and I enjoyed seeing how Sita and the conclusion changed. It's especially wonderful that you give her so much autonomy in your version, whereas Sita's actions were heavily dependent on Rama in the original story. The only part that I found a bit off was the paragraph in which Lakshmana and Rama die. Their deaths happened so abruptly and without much detail, that I felt bewildered and a bit overwhelmed. I understand that the story is mainly about Sita, and not so much Lakshmana or Rama, so it's not too big of an issue. Overall, I found this story to be an entertaining and refreshing perspective on the story. I look forward to reading more of your work!
ReplyDeleteHi Val! I really like that you opened your story with dialogue! It was really attention grabbing and a unique way to begin a story! Oh! I really like how you changed Sita’s take on things to really make this story your own! I like how she shows a little interest at becoming queen. I was in shock that Rama killed Lakshmana! And I am in even more shock that Rama killed himself! That’s a major game changer! It is so different from the original story. Sita was living a life of luxury in Lanka rather than sleeping outside, dirty under a tree!
ReplyDeleteI love that you changed the characters thoughts and personalities! It made for a very interesting story because it was so different from the story that we read in the book! Simply excellent!
You did a wonderful job with your story and I am looking forward to reading more from you as the semester continues!
Hi Val! I don’t think I have been to your blog before and that’s upsetting because you just from this one story I can tell you are a great writer. Love that you opened the story with dialog. I keep going with journal posts because I am not comfortable using dialog in my stories. Anyways. I like how you changed the dynamics of this story. It brought a whole new side to the story I hadn’t though of and I really enjoyed it. The way you worded and detailed the entire story is great. Plus there is something about this quote “Did Rama consider you when he chose to go away to the forest, even after his brother begged him to return? Did he consider taking his brother’s offer for the sake of his beautiful wife?”
ReplyDeleteThat made this story what it is in my opinion. If he wouldn’t have brought that up would she have went with him?!
Hello Val! I loved your story! I love the fact that your story was totally changed from the original story. I would've never thought that Sita and Rama's role could be changed this drastically. I like how you included both dialogues and paragraphs in your story. Sita's new character totally changed the way I viewed the character. I felt bad for Rama the whole time. It was very sad seeing Rama being clingy, but it made the story more unique. Since your story was mainly focused on Sita, adding more of Rama's feeling would have given the reader a better idea on how each character felt more deeply.
ReplyDeleteThere were barely any grammatical errors and your sentence structure was great. You are a great writer! Your author's note provided enough information about how things were changed from the original story. I thought it was really unique for you to include a picture of harem. It really did fit with the story line because Sita wanted to be revealed. Good job!