“Kumbhakarna!”
“Yes, dear?”
“Dinner is ready!”
Wonderful!
My beautiful wife, Maria, is always cooking up delicious mountains of food for
me, which is good because I am a very large fellow. It takes a lot of food to keep
this belly from rumbling! I hope she made dessert, too. Last week, she made a
rich gulab jamun and I ate myself sick, but it was well worth it. I
just cannot control myself around desserts.
"Maria, what have you prepared for me today?"
"Oh my single-minded man,
can I at least receive a kiss before you assault the food I've worked so hard
on all day?"
"Sorry, honey. My stomach made me forget myself."
I wrapped
my arms around Maria, kissing her softly. I pulled back gently and caught sight
of the table. Oh my. Maria outdid herself. The table was piled high with scrumptious-looking
delicacies. She caught me staring past her at the food and began lightly
scolding me. Luckily, she is used to my love of food and knows I love her just
as much—maybe even more!
“Alright, dear, you can eat
now. I’ve prepared a whole butter chicken, lamb vindaloo, naan paranthas
stuffed with vegetables, samosas, a big pot of rasam—“
“Nom,
nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom”
“Ugh, that man! He isn’t even
listening… I guess I won’t tell him about the ladoos.”
My ears
perked up, even in my food-induced craze I could listen for the sound of desserts!
I’ll just have to sweet talk her into giving the precious ladoos to me, as soon
as I finish off this dish…
“Dear, can’t I please have
some of the ladoos? I know how hard you worked on it; I want to show my
appreciation! By eating and enjoying it, of course!” I said while rubbing my
belly happily.
“I’m afraid not, Kumbi. I’ve
already thrown it all out.”
“What!? How could you?”
I dropped
to the floor in despair and—strangely enough—opened my eyes in my family’s
house, back on the island.
Oh my. That was some dream. I really
must get off this island and find me a wife, one who can cook as well as the
wives of my dreams. I must’ve dozed off again… What year is it? I suppose I’ll
have to venture outside and check. Ugh. I HATE waking up… Sometimes I wish I
could sleep forever, but then I’d miss out on all the food! I could try ringing
the servants’ bell. *RING, RING, RING*… Hmm, that is strange. The servants know
better than to ignore me when I first wake up. I am always rather grumpy, but
who could blame me following a dream like that, only to wake up wifeless and
hungry? No matter, I will punish the servants later. Right now, I need to track
down some food. Hey, what’s that noise? I hear a faint rumbling outside. Was
that a battle cry? Oh, goodness. Did I miss something important? I do believe
there is a battle going on outside; I hope Ravana hasn’t started trouble again…
Author’s
Note: I chose to tell this story because I was interested in Kumbhakarna’s
character, but he was not elaborated on very much at all in the original version.
I completely made up his dream world and I changed the scene in which he
initially wakes up during the battle between Rama and Ravana. I liked telling
the story using a lot of dialogue as well as inner thoughts of Kumbhakarna
because I felt it showed the relationship between him and Maria very well. I
was hoping to convey that they
cared for each other, in spite of Kumbhakarna’s obsession with food. I think my
version of Kumbhakarna is much more relatable and lovable than the original,
which was an important goal of my story. I used the Ramayana for my inspiration
and VahRehVah.com for the names of the traditional Indian food mentioned in the
story. I have personally tried samosas—the Indian food, not the drink!—and they
were pretty good, though I hear they are much more impressive when they are
homemade, as Kumbhakarna’s were in the dream. The image is something I found by
simply searching “traditional Indian food”, so I am unsure what exactly is in
the picture. I love the song "My Maria," so I chose to use that inspiration for the name of the wife, which is why she does not have a traditional Indian name.
Bibliography:
Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way
Valerie, this tale was great! I like that you developed Kumbhakarana’s character. I, too, felt like his character was lacking a bit and needed more attention in the epic. Is the image that you included of the types of food that you described? I love eating and you’re description of the setting and meal took me to a time when a great meal was being served. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! I thought that Kumbhakarana's character was interesting as well in the original but you developed his character much further and did it well. You did a great job with descriptions, as well as looking up traditional foods from India. I like that you ended it with it being when he woke up during the battle. the story also flowed very well. The only mistake I noted while doing my read through was in the paragraph starting “Ugh, that man!" you put "deserts" instead of 'desserts'. I really enjoyed reading this. Great job!
ReplyDeleteValerie, this was a wonderful story! As I began to read it I had no idea where you were going with Kumbhakarana and Maria but it was a nice, funny little story. The dialogue gave Kumbhakarana so much personality! However there were a few issues throughout your story: nothing major, but worth thinking about. Firstly, the main issue I found was just the way that the story is displayed on your blog. The dark back ground and the gray colored letters make it a little difficult to read. I found myself jacking up the brightness on my computer to help my eyes out. Consider using a brighter color or larger text for your posts just to ease the strain for the reader. Also, there were a couple of strangely placed commas. I know that commas are the biggest grammatical issue for me, and I am by no means an expert but just keep an eye out for placement. Overall, this was a wonderful story. I really enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteWhen I decided to read your story, I briefly forgot who Kumbhakarna's character was. I wanted to see if I could figure it out while reading your tale, which I did but not until the end. I really enjoyed your tale. The flow of the text is great and easy to follow. You are very descriptive when telling about Kumbhakarna's dream, I found myself wondering what some of these yummy foods must be like! As you mentioned in your Author's Note, the addition of the dialogue between Maria and Kumbhakarna did make the story more relatable.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was getting towards the end, and our protagonist had woken up, I was sort of confused what was going on. This is when I realized your story was about Ravana's sleepy brother, and it made total sense! You gave enough information for a seasoned reader to recognize Kumbhakarna, but not too much where someone who isn't familiar with the epic to be confused. Great job with this tale!
The title is intriguing, and I like that you started this story with dialogue. It feels like I'm jumping into the lives of the characters in the moment. This is an engaging hook strategy.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I would suggest is to put spaces between dialogue and the rest of the story to make the read a bit easier. Not that it's difficult to read the way it is, but I feel that dialogue and paragraphs deserve separate attention.
Your writing style is concise yet detailed, and very pleasing to read. I really appreciated that Maria listed out the food items she made; this gives the story a very realistic feel.
Kubhakarna is very likable in this story and I enjoyed reading his comical thoughts and getting to know his personality this way. He's a simple demon. Giant, but simple ;)
I honestly did not foresee Kumbhakarna waking up to find that Maria and all that food was a dream! Very clever :)
Hi Valerie! First, the dark background makes it hard to read your story. It is harsh on the eyes even though the white font has a good contrast. However, that is just my opinion, and this is your portfolio. I love the picture you chose. Who doesn't love to eat great food. You did a great job creating more information about Kumbhakarna as you stated you wanted to do in your author's note. Your author's note is great. It gave the reader exactly what they needed to understand your goal for creating this story. I enjoyed the dialogue you created and you did a great job splitting it up. I didn't find many grammatical errors in your story. You did a great job at creating this story. You can tell you spent a lot of time on this story. You have a great imagination, and you really displayed it here.
ReplyDeleteHey Val!
ReplyDeleteWow! This story was excellent! I was so immersed in your story and in the personalities of your characters! Your word choice was phenomenal, by the way. I think my favorite word choice of all was when you used the word “assault” in regards to eating food! For some reason, that alone captivated me. I had no idea that he was on an island until the last paragraph. You definitely made the dream so perfect and realistic of a happy couple, much like the couples you see on 1950’s sitcoms like Leave It to Beaver. You did an excellent job with the dialogue between the man and the woman. It was respectful yet familiar. The best part was your descriptions and how vibrant your voice was through them. Choosing to make the narration Kumbhakarna’s inner dialogue was an excellent way to expand on the original story and make it more personable than if it were in third person. Great job!